I sought solace in a sleeping pill…
In the afternoon hours of my drive to Montana, a tranquil, dark river pool beckoned me to pause along the highway. I veered off the winding two-lane road. The sun's heat enveloped everything. The rocks lining the river resembled stacked granite blocks, their sharp angles following the steep slope down to the water's edge. Towering evergreens stood against the expanse of blue sky. Small fish played together, leaping above the calm, glimmering water, enticing the water striders that skated on its surface.
The previous night, solitude was my companion as I camped alone. Despite the security of a communal campground, I sought solace in a sleeping pill to share my vulnerability. Nestled comfortably within my tent, my body at ease and mind serene, sleep remained elusive. Subconsciously, there was apprehension.
During the night, a passage from "Enlightened Life" echoed in my mind:
“F.E.A.R. ….false evidence appearing real.” (For context, see source)*
Recognizing the fight-or-flight response, I realized fear often arises from necessity, invoking protection. Yet, fear sometimes lacks warrant. Anxiety triggers physical sensations of fear, even in the absence of immediate danger.
I pondered the connections between these scenarios. Despite the diverse mental and physical responses they incite, it all traces back to the "F.E.A.R." statement. Whether we yield to fear dictating our reactions remains pivotal, whether for valid reasons or not.
Today, vulnerability embraced, I resolved to bask nakedly in the sunlight, swimming free.
With no one around, I confronted the fleeting concern of being seen. A realization emerged: genuine living entails unveiling our inner truths without reservation, even when fear is present. This approach benefits not only us but also those in our sphere by discarding pretense, ensuring less wasted time. Through this, a deeper wisdom emerges, guiding us through life's intricate path.
Practically, the sun's warmth rejuvenated my body, the invigorating swim filled me with joy, and my commitment to authenticity continued to nurture courage and strength within.
Here's to embracing life in its unadulterated form.
*(Source: Enlightened Life, Ziji Rinpoche, pg. 104)